Letter to my body

28Feb08

In honour of the kickoff of their new Body Image section, BlogHer has put out a call for letters to our bodies. The letters posted so far have been heartwarming and heartbreaking. You can read other bloggers letters to their bodies from the list at BlogHer. This is my letter to my body, which may become the first of many!

Dearest body,

Breakups are HARD! It had been a long time since I’d been through one, before I broke up with you and my mind and started over. I like our new relationship, even though it’s rocky, and taking it’s sweet time to develop. It’s more comfortable and accommodating than our old relationship. Okay, I know I need to keep working on things, because sometimes I’m still kind of a jerk to you. I sometimes say things to you or accuse you of things that aren’t true. I’m not moving you enough, and I’m still working on listening when you tell me when you’re hungry and what you’re hungry for. You need more fruit and a more consistent multivitamin – I’m working on it, promise!

But I think I’m starting to like you again, to treasure you and be grateful for you. I know it’s been a while since I’ve felt that way about you. I’ve put you through a lot, these last few years – weight gain and loss, some harsh (prescribed) drugs, sleep deprivation, bad nutrition, not enough exercise. But we’ve also had some really good times together!

I remember how you feel when I move you enough and push your limits a little – strong and alive and aching in the best way.

Remember tobogganing down the Grassy Knoll on lunch trays? And that time we went tobogganing with Adrienne and Joe? You bent and slid with me, carrying me down those hills giggling like a crazy person. You carried me back up the hills so I could go, over and over again.

I’ve been thinking lately, of our progress in swimming lessons a few years back. At first, you did NOT want anything to do with that floating and moving nonsense. We struggled and fought about it, but by the end, you were carrying me confidently through the water, smooth and comfortable. I’m really hopeful that we can do that this month, with yoga, too. I’m a little apprehensive, and I know you are too; when we’ve been doing it at home lately, you’ve resisted and ached and complained. But we’ll get past that, to a point where you’re strong again, and pushing to reach a new goal. That’ll be pretty great, I think, and I really hope you’ll work with me on it.

I’m really grateful for you, body. You never let me down on the basics, and you’re consistent. You tell me what you need, most of the time – sleep, food, a hot shower, more comfortable shoes. You let me know when I need to see the doctor, especially if it’s for something that I can’t just see clearly, like when I was so tired in 2007, and when I need to check up on my asthma. You carry me through my day, even when you’re tired or achy, pushing me up the hill to get home at night. You carry me on my long walks with Jill, which is so good for the rest of me, mentally and emotionally.

I have some wishes for you, and I think we’re going to have to work together to get there. I want you to be strong again, so we are going to start yoga and running again in March – that’s part of our TRYing this year, too. I wish good health for us, so I promise to listen to you better, if you start giving me a better idea of what you need and want – just ease up on the wanting french fries, okay? There is not a world shortage on them, so it’s just fine not to want them all the time. In the summer, I’d really like to try the Grouse Grind, and I KNOW you’re not going to be happy about it – it’s going to be hard, and it’s probably going to hurt a little or a lot, but it will TOTALLY be worth it. I want you to keep helping me comfort, love and connect to Adam. I want to keep offering a place of sanctuary for loved ones in hard times, and a sense of whimsy and adventure to play with and mentor the little ones in our life. In the future, I really hope we can carry and birth a baby or two or three. I want you to stay strong with me as I age, so we’re going to work on building up some muscle and bone, okay?

But here’s a secret, body. We’re going to stop trying to lose weight. I know, it’s a little shocking, since we’ve been thinking and trying to do it on and off since 2004. But I think it’s time that we change our priorities. If you lose weight along the way, I’ll probably be okay with it, it’s just not going to be our focus. I want strength and wellness and good nutrition. I want them just for their own sakes, now, not as a method to my madness. I want us to have them so we can live together for a long time, so you can keep carting me around through my adventures. But I don’t want to make us crazy anymore, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

Because body? I really love you.

I know I don’t always show it, but I do.

So thanks, body.

Love you,

Marianne

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2 Responses to “Letter to my body”

  1. Marianne–If you have not read Succulent Wild Woman by Sark, I think you should. I think it would speak to you where you are now.

    Onthetee

  2. Wonderful letter to your body. I stepped away from the scale about three weeks ago and moved my focus from that number to eating healthfully and getting good exercise. I’m a lot happier and less whiny. I mean, dear lord, it’s just some “extra” me – it’s not the end of the world. It’s a life, live it.


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