Just try.

24Jan08

“God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.” — Mother Teresa

It’s been three days since the break up.

I’m doing okay. There have been vegetables and chocolates, tears and joy, deep exhausted sleep and insomnia. I’m a study in contradiction this week, apparently.

Life will improve once I’m through this weekend and the event for work is past. Then I can turn inwards again, and focus on listening to my body and figuring out a plan. I want to set new goals that focus less on the scale and more on how far or long or hard I can do something. I am so excited at all the possibilities.

But to tell the truth, I’m fucking terrified. I don’t know how to do this without a capital-D Diet*, without beating myself up, without guilt. I am scared to start this new me. And mostly, I don’t know how to be brave enough to love myself, or to let the person I love most in the world love me back.

So I’m going to try. I’m going to try to fake it til I make it. I’m going to try to feel less out of control by giving up some control. Baby steps, baby. Just try.

*Yep, I’m dropping BLD, mostly. I like some of the principles, like the activity and hunger scales, and I’ll keep using and blogging them. But I’m not forbidding myself anything, anymore, and I’m not going to make anything a Must-Do, anymore.

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One Response to “Just try.”

  1. 1 Laura

    “I’m going to try to feel less out of control by giving up some control.” <– If only I had the insight to think of this myself!! That is friggin’ golden, Mare! I feel like I am in the same boat with you on this statement and I think that’s going to be one of my “keep going” vibes that I post-it note on my wall. The control is such a tricky thing to cope with.

    LOVE YOU. ❤
    Good luck with the next few days of the break-up


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